Libido is something that varies from person to person and changes depending on your age, place in life, experiences, feelings, and so on. Every person has their own sexuality and reserves the right for it to fluctuate and change along with their lives.

Although it is always changing, our libido is an important part of ourselves, and we must nurture and respect it. If we are not in the mood, we shouldn’t force ourselves to have sex multiple times a day to please our partners. Let’s take the time to understand it so that perhaps we can change it.


What is libido?

Libido is a perfectly natural phenomenon that accounts for our instinctual desire to release ourselves sexually; this can be through masturbation, hot romantic sex, erotic foreplay, and more. Once we reach our adolescence, this desire comes to life and presents itself as sexual arousal.

During adolescence, our bodies become engulfed with raging hormones such as progesterone, testosterone, and estrogen, which balance out later in life. That being said, these hormones have a monumental impact on our level of arousal but are not the only factors at hand.

While testosterone is seen as the male hormone, you’ll be surprised to find out that it is produced in the female adrenal glands as well. Estrogen, the female hormone, is secreted at the beginning of the cycle and produced in large quantities just before ovulation. This is a contributing factor to the fact that many women experience more hot intensity and arousal around ovulation.

The female reproductive system goes through copious changes throughout the month, which effects every aspect of her being. During certain stages of the cycle, women can find themselves more tired, irritable, and emotional which can heavily impact libido. Before and during ovulation, women tend to have more energy, which can allow their dream sexuality to flourish.

It is important that the other partner is patient and understanding when it comes to what their spouse is going through. Sometimes we take it personally when the person we are with is not interested in enjoying sensual love making, but often times, it actually has nothing to do with us.

Although men don’t go through the same tremendous hormonal fluctuations as women, they can still experience drops in desire. These drops can be attributed to fatigue, stress, anxiety, depression, and more. Did you know that stress lowers your levels of testosterone? Or that depression and anxiety is caused by low testosterone? So, if you are suffering from mental illness, you could very well be caught up in a cycle that heavily effects your libido, amongst other things. If you suspect this might be the case, it’s important to get checked by your doctor in order to find a solution.


The libido, its peaks of form but also its drops in diet

While a woman’s menstrual cycle heavily impacts her hormones, and thus her libido, at least this is relatively constant. Enormous life and body changes, such as pregnancy, childbirth, postpartum, hormonal birth control pills, and menopause are all things that can have a shocking impact on a woman’s sexual desire.

While all these things are associated strictly with hormonal changes, they don’t even begin to cover all the other factors that can impact libido. Things such as job changes, the stresses of caring for a new baby, family problems, mental health issues, illness, and serious life changes all impact our levels of desire. There’s also no denying the fact that relationship problems, whether direct or unnoticed, can impact desire. While erotic foreplay is certainly a fun seductive tease, there’s no denying the fact that emotional foreplay is by far the most important. But what do we mean by this exactly?

Go ahead and reflect on your relationship… Do you have the feeling that you’re being taken for granted? Is one partner doing all the chores at home while both people are working? Is one person refusing to communicate their feelings and emotions why the other is constantly prying? Is someone carrying all the emotional baggage leftover from the others past relationships? Is one person making jokes out of things the other one takes seriously? Whatever your problems might be, it’s important to address them head on. While they might not have an immediate impact on your levels of desire, they will certainly start to build up and cause issues overtime. Sometimes we overlook these “small” issues and the only time the actually become apparent is when we realize we haven’t enjoyed hot romantic sex in five months. This is not to say that all libido problems should be blamed on our partner, but there’s nothing wrong with reflecting on your relationship and asking yourself if you’re truly happy. We always recommend couples’ therapy for working through these issues. Communication is always the key for rebuilding your dream sexuality together, as an erotic couple.

A personal matter to settle together?

Is this something to work on alone or together? Good question!

If you’re in a relationship, then this is most definitely a team building exercise, but that does not mean there isn’t work to be done alone! While relationship issues might not be the cause of your low libido, there are definitely things your partner cand do to help!

When it comes to the game of desire, being physical is only half the battle. Communication and love are truly the magical keys to enjoying a dream sexuality filled with hot romantic sex and sensual love making. While you can go ahead and give your partner a seductive tease, it will be much more erotic if it is accompanied by your undying love, support, kindness, and respect, which are given to them on a daily basis. At this stage in a mature relationship, your erotic body has a much lesser impact than the way in which you treat them. Once this has been accomplished, you should be able to establish a clear line of communication in your relationship where you can openly talk about the things that get you going. Ask your partner what they like and be sure to tell them how you feel; nothing raises the hot intensity quite like the person you love telling you how much you turn them on! Don’t be shy, it’s never too late to bring the erotic passion back into the relationship, as long as both partners emotional needs are being met.

If you or your partner are suffering from low libido, it’s important that you stop blaming yourselves; stress and anxiety will only make the situation worse and put more pressure on your relationship.

Another thing to take into account is that there is no “normal” libido. Everyone is different, and therefore, everyone has different levels of desire. Some people want to have sex every day, some people want it once a week, and others not at all. This is not necessarily a problem just as long as both partners are on the same page. It is so important to establish your dream sexuality at the beginning of the relationship, so that the foundation and expectations are set. If one person wants sex once a month and the other wants it every day, that could be a huge indication that your incompatible.

Then, we have hormonal and life changes that severely impact the frequency of when we want sex. Some women have extremely high libidos, and then once they take birth control, it drops tremendously. There are many other contributing factors, and this is all normal. This is not a reason to give up on your relationship, it just means that it might take a bit of work to get through it.

The situation becomes difficult when these changes cause you to grow apart, rather than together. If the relationship started with two people with high sex drives, and one person drops out (metaphorically), the other might be left hanging, wondering what they did wrong. This is where communication comes into play. During this time, it’s important for you to tell your partner what you’re going through. For example, if you’re depressed and that’s impacting your sex drive, they need to know this. At the same time, it’s the other person’s responsibility to not be completely dense. If you see that your partner is suffering from a mental health issue, taking a new birth control, or going through postpartum, make an effort to help them through it and talk to them about how they’re feeling.

Feeling supported emotionally is directly related to our levels of sexual desire, whether or not there is an underlying hormonal, mental, or emotional issue at hand. If libido does become an issue, it might be time to start working on yourself and your relationship. You can’t expect your partner to want to enjoy sensual love making if you are ignoring all their emotional needs and letting them suffer alone. Once the emotional foundation has been established, then you can start working to meet each other’s physical needs as well.