MOTHERHOOD AND SEXUALITY

How can you maintain a loving connection and keep up the reciprocity of your desires as a couple during pregnancy and the post-partum period? Just asking yourself this question shows that you are ready to face the inevitable changes that have occurred in your relationship, because putting in the effort is half the battle.

There is no denying the fact that pregnancy and postpartum are hard. The new hormones, discomforts, and body changes that occur are something that no one is truly prepared for. And while it is the woman who carries all these burdens during pregnancy, the postpartum period brings a series of difficulties that extend to the other person in the relationship. Caring for a new-born child is one of the most challenging things a couple can go through. Taking care of a new baby is no easy feat, especially during the first 6 weeks when many babies experience colic and cluster feeding. So, amongst all these difficult new challenges, is it possible for a couple to maintain a sense of intimacy and desire? While relationships may change, that does not mean it is impossible to maintain the romance. And even if the romance is lost during certain phases, it is always possible to bring it back!

Often times new mothers feel incredibly alone during the postpartum period. It is no secret that it is usually moms who perform the majority of the workload in caring for new babies. From constant breastfeeding day and night to changing nappies, motherhood is exhausting and stressful. The changes in hormones can also cause postpartum moms to experience postpartum depression and anxiety, which does not help the situation. The most important thing dads can do during this time is to support them and provide them with as much help, patience, and empathy as possible.

What to expect in terms of sex during the first few months of pregnancy?

During the first trimester of pregnancy, your body gives you hormones that can help you feel a little sexier. If you’re feeling up to it, you should definitely take advantage! That being said, sometimes morning sickness can prevent you from wanting to be intimate.

Hormonal fluctuations might also cause you to have significant mood-swings, which can prevent you from wanting to have sex. During this time, it is important for you to communicate your feelings to your partner and be open about your sexual desires.

During the first few months, your libido may be lower because of morning sickness, exhaustion, headaches, sore breasts, and the constant urge to pee. It’s ok to feel this way. It’s also important to remind yourself that pregnancy is temporary, and you won’t feel this uncomfortable forever.

Having an intense and fulfilling sex life doesn’t have to be a priority during pregnancy, especially if you are not feeling up to it. That being said, it is important to maintain intimacy as a couple through cuddling, communication, and kindness. And if you are in the mood, go ahead and enjoy some sexy time with your partner, it’s important that you are feeling good and satisfied!

What to expect in terms of sex during the second trimester of pregnancy?

 

No need to panic! Sexual desire can resume in the second trimester. Usually around 3rd or 4th month of pregnancy, the oestrogens produced by the placenta may restore your sluggish libido.

During this time, it is easier to become aroused due to the fact that you are more sensitive and receptive to touch. The desire to cuddle increases and the pleasure becomes more intense, sometimes giving some pregnant women the opportunity to experience their first G-spot orgasms.

It's up to you, ladies and gentlemen, to enjoy the fun of penetration with our intimate lubricants and our YESforLOV range of intimate cosmetics for pregnant women !

 

What to expect in terms of sex during the last months of pregnancy?

In the last trimester, sex might become a bit uncomfortable as your growing baby starts putting more and more pressure on your organs.

As your belly gets bigger, it becomes harder and harder to find a position that is comfortable and suits your growing belly. This is definitely not the time to be adventurous and daring with the karma sutra.

One of the best positions recommended for pregnant women:
The cowgirl or reverse cowgirl position (when your man is lying on his back and you are sitting on him from the front or back.)

During this final period, new parents can take the opportunity to enjoy the classic positions while exploring new, less conventional, and less daring ones.

It's up to you as a couple to make the most of your pleasure and enjoy the time you have together during this challenging period of time. If this is your first baby, this might be your last chance (for a while) to truly enjoy each other with interruption.

If fast sex is a bit uncomfortable, don’t be afraid to take it slow with a lot of tenderness and complicity. Allow our caressing feather to add to the sensuality through awakening your senses and heightening the connection between you.

Unless your doctor directs you not to have sex due to complications, you and your baby are completely safe! Your baby is perfectly protected by the amniotic membranes and the fluid that surrounds it. The mucus plog that closes the cervix acts as a safety barrier against any risk of infection.

Not only is sex and pleasure good for your health, but it also strengthens your connection as a couple. So if you’re feeling up to it, don’t hesitate!

If your doctor does tell you not to have sex due to certain risk factors, try not to feel down about it. This is only a short period of time, and your safety, as well as the safety of your baby, is the top priority. In the meantime, you can enjoy some cuddling and sensual massages with your partner in order to strengthen your connection.

If you have reached the end of your pregnancy, and you’re waiting impatiently for bubs to make his or her entrance, sex can actually help! The prostaglandins in sperm can help to open the cervix and trigger contractions. That being said, if you have not reached full term, this does not increase the risk of giving birth early. This can only happen once your body, and bubs, are ready.

To give you some peace of mind, there is absolutely no correlation between sex and miscarriage. 70% of early miscarriages are linked to a chromosomal abnormality of the fetus.

And for men who are experiencing a lack of libido, don’t panic. This is a stressful time for you as well, and it is no surprise that your mind is focused on many things other than sex. Make sure you communicate your feelings to your partner and let her know that her physical appearance is not the reason for you lack of interest. Many women experience body image issues during this time, so letting her know she’s still sexy is incredibly important.

Aftercare and postpartum sex: what to expect?

The arrival of a child is a monumental change in your life of a couple and the desire to make love sometimes fades away and disappears.

A new life has begun, and the lovers who have become parents will have to adapt to it very quickly without time to even reflect...

Having a baby is a huge challenge that puts a lot of stress and pressure on the relationship. You must work together, as a couple, to get through this storm together and find your romance back once the dust has settled.

While it sometimes might feel difficult, communication is extremely important during this period of time. This means actually sitting down and talking to each other rather than yelling and getting upset in the heat of the moment. If there is something you feel that your partner is not doing correctly, you must tell them. I huge percentage of women feel overwhelmed and underappreciated during this time, so letting you partner know what they need to do differently is the first step.

Oftentimes, couples who never argued find themselves constantly bickering and fighting after a baby, and don’t know how to deal with it. This can definitely have an impact on your sexual connection and desire to be intimate.

It’s normal to not have sex for the first few months after a baby, but if your sex life doesn’t pick up again once you’ve healed, it might take a bit of work to resolve it, especially if you’re experiencing other problems in your relationship. Don’t just brush your issues under the carpet and hope they go away.

It’s incredibly important to take the time you need to heal emotionally and physically after a baby, but if you find yourself feeling resentful towards your partner, it might be time to put in some work, especially if your sex life is non-existent as well.

Maintaining a healthy relationship is nearly impossible if you’re not having sex, so it might be time to explore couple’s therapy so that you can sort out your problems...

So what kind of sex is possible after childbirth?

Many doctors recommend abstaining from sexual intercourse for at least 6 weeks, which is the time needed for the cervix to close. Don’t be surprised if your sex life is a bit dead for at least the first 6 weeks, but chances are, it’ll be the last thing on your mind. You will find yourself bleeding for the first month or so, which feels similar to a very long period. It’s also common to feel pain for the first few weeks, or longer, depending on your birth. During this time, sexual desire is usually extremely low, thanks to those post-baby hormones, stress, and lack of sleep, and irritability. If you had a difficult labour that involved tearing, it might take even longer to feel comfortable having sex. Don’t feel guilty or bad if it takes 2, 4, 6, or even 8 months for sex to become painless. That being said, depending on your situation, doctors usually recommend that you resume sexual intercourse once they’ve deemed it safe.

Having sex can help to bring back your connection as a couple so that you feel more like lovers, and less like roommates. If you have some scar tissue leftover from internal stitches, it can also help to smooth out the inside of the vagina. So while it make take a bit longer to get yourself in the mood, the effort might be worth it.

That being said, the burden of reigniting the spark doesn’t fall on just the mother’s shoulders. Sometimes lack of desire can come from a lack of kindness, attention, and help from her partner. Women often feel alone during the postpartum period, so it is up to her partner to step up, show her some affection, and make her feel loved.

So, yes, the postpartum period is quite different from what the medical dictionary would have us believe. Sometimes the time it takes for us to heal can take longer than what’s expected, not just physically, but emotionally as well. The most important thing you can do is to go at your own pace.

 

"We need to help women through their pregnancy and their sexuality,
we need to help men become fathers and lovers" *
(M.Ganem)

Not everything is perfect during the post-partum period, especially since depression and anxiety are quite common in new mom.

A huge hormonal change takes place after birth, along with a huge psychological upheaval. In fact, during the post-partum period, the level of hormones in women drops profoundly, causing physical and mental changes.

If the woman is breastfeeding, prolactin inhibits the production of ovarian hormones and her libido is no longer stimulated.
Vaginal dryness can also set in, making lovemaking uncomfortable and undesirable. The mother's body also produces oxytocin, which strengthens her attachment to her child, but not necessarily to her partner.

During this period, the woman must learn to love her body both physically (weight gain, weight loss, perineum re-education, Caesarean section scars, haemorrhoids...) and psychologically, in order to feel intimate with her partner. It shouldn’t have to be said that the woman's body and heart deserve more respect and understanding.

It is up to you, the partner, to accept that your life together will slow down and change. It most cases it will take a lot of work and communication to fix what is lost. You might find that you don’t agree with each other on all parenting matters. You might dislike how your partner handles things. Regardless of what new challenges you’re met with, the relationship won’t work unless you both put in equal amounts of effort. Don’t let your love slip through the cracks!

The YESforLOV selection for a sensual maternity

In this quest for self-love, YESforLOV invites you to slip a few essentials into your nightstand, like a moisturising and healing lubricant to care for your mucous membranes, a massage candle to relax and care for your skin, and an organic care product for the vulva for a cool relief on your intimacy.

YESforLOV cosmetics cosmetics are used at every stage of a woman's life, to the delight of both ladies and gentlemen.